The Caeser Show
by I Stalk Legolas on Weekends
Summary: A crazy script I wrote with my group for an honors english project....enjoy! r/r!


A/N- This is an odd script I wrote for my Honors English class with a group of friends!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this script, though I do own The Caesar Show! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Narrorator: Ladies and Gentleman! I would like to introduce the star of the show.the greatest man alive (not actually! Giggle giggle), Mr. Congeniality, the Tyrant himself..THE REINCARNATED FORM OF JULIUS CAESAR!!!!!  
  
:::applause:::  
  
Caesar: Why hello everyone! I'm Back! Welcome to The Caesar Show! Within the next 10 minutes, we will be interviewing the conspirators who've managed to bring upon my bereavement (that means death..DUUUH!!!!) Our first guest is my closest friend, my most loyal follower.and an overall joy to society, MARCUS ANTONIUS!  
  
Antony: GOOD AFTEROON CAESAR! THE RULER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD ON EARTH!  
  
Caesar: So how did you feel when you heard about my death? Were you angry?.Upset?.Enraged?..Please elaborate for us.  
  
Antony: I talked to your dead body! I had to go to therapy! Without you boy, my life is incomplete, I'm going crazy ludicris crazy just thinking about you.lately. You drive me craaaazzzyyyy, I just can't sleep! I gave the entire city of Rome quite a little speech about your greatness and the horrible hand fate.OR SHOULD I SAY THOSE HORRIBLE PEOPLE KNOWN AS THE CONSPIRATORS..dealt you. I loved you man!  
  
Caesar: That is quite interesting. Thank you for your opinion. Any voices from the audience? 1: YOU SUCK!!! 2: I HEART MARC ANTONY.HE'S A HERO Thank you, now let's calm down for the next guest visitor, and luckily, you guys are in for quite the treat.the treat of a century for that matter. I'd like to welcome to the stage, my right hand man.my oldest friend, the man who made all this possible..BRUTUS!!!!  
  
::Crowd boos:: Brutus: YOU DON'T KNOW ME! I'm one of the most powerful men in Rome! I'd think twice before you mess with me! BRING IT ON!!!!  
  
Caesar: Calm down Brute!.so how is life going?..o yes, and why did you choose to fruitlessly murder me and ruin the lives of thousands of Romans?  
  
Brutus: You may not see it now, but life will be better off for all Romans in the long run because of what I did. Because of me, there is not longer a tyrant running Rome, and no one can tell the Romans how to live their lives. We live under a democracy now, and because of me, life is wonderful for everyone  
  
Caesar: Those are terrific reasons Brutus, let's see what the audience has to say. 1. You're a monster, you killed the greatest thing Rome had to offer L! 2. You're TERRIBLE AND OUT OF CONTROL 3. Put that conspirator to DEATH 4. (Brutus runs behind someone)YOU ROCK DUDE! Audience.please settle down, Brutus do you have anything else to say?  
  
Brutus: No, all I have to say is, bring out the conspirators!!!! (hehehehehehehehehe I know something you don't know)  
  
::Conspirators Enter and attack Caesar, Brutus giggles. Caesar dies, giant death scene:: Caesar: NOT AGAIN!!!!!! Oh well, Et tu Brute!  
  
:: Antony runs onto stage, has breakdown of body of Caesar, calls therapist ::  
  
Antony: OH MY GODDDDDDD!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! ::breath:: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, CAESER!!!!!! ::sits on ground and rocks back and forth, pulling out cell phone:: H-hello? Dr. Phil? I n-need help.THEY KILLED MY CAESER!!!!!  
  
Dr Phil: Repeat after me: "I am a psycho, I need a life, I will pay Dr. Phil $50 for every minute I waste of his time" ::hangs up::  
  
::Antony stands up and walks out, repeating Dr. Phil's little speech::  
  
Brutus: Riiiiight..anyway, onto our next guest. ::Looks at script:: Oh! Now you're all in for a treat! The next guest is my lovely wife Portia! Portia, come on down!  
  
::Portia enters::  
  
Brutus: Welcome, Portia, how have you been?  
  
Portia: WHY DON'T YOU TRY EATTING FIRE AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!!! AFTER YOU LEFT, IT WAS EITHER THEY ATTACK ME OR I EAT FIRE! Of course you know which I picked. WHY WEREN'T YOU THERE FOR ME, BRUTUS, YOU SCUM! I NEEDED YOU AND YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR ME!  
  
Brutus: I..didn't know..I would have stopped them if I could!  
  
Portia: YOU LIE! ENOUGH OF YOU AND YOUR LIES! YOU AND YOUR LITTLE BAND OF CONSPIRATORS WERE OFF PLANNING MURDURS AND LEFT ME TO THE MERCY OF THE CROWDS! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE!  
  
:: Portia held back by bodyguard and led off stage, yelling::  
  
Portia: I LOVED YOU AND YOU LEFT ME TO THEIR MERCY! HOW COULD YOU, BRUTUS!  
  
Brutus: Something tells me I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight..Oh well, now for my wonderful band of conspirators. Why did all of you decide to kill Caesar?  
  
Metellus Cimber: HE BANISHED MY BROTHER! HE DISHONORED MY FAMILY! HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU!  
  
::Crowd Boos::  
  
Brutus: Calm down my friend, that is an adequate reason, but let's let the other visitors voice their opinions.  
  
Casca: I thought Caesar was ambitious, as Brutus has said. HE TRIED TO TAKE OVER! AND YOU WANTED TO KILL US! US!!!!!  
  
::Crows Boos::  
  
Brutus: I'm touched that you agree with me! But I think you need to take a pill..  
  
Decius Brutus: I won't let my good country come under the rule of that egotistic tyrant!  
  
Brutus: That's the way!  
  
Cassius: The man was just bad! Was just like you and me, and yet everyone raised him on some kind pedestal! It's disgusting!  
  
Brutus: I see, that's very interesting, my friend.  
  
Publius: I'm not really a conspirator, but, being part of the Senate, I too wanted the man dead..  
  
Brutus: Well, thank you for sharing, conspirators. Now for our final guest! The lovely widow of Caesar..CALPURNIA, COME ON DOWN!  
  
Calpurnia: H-hello Brutus.. ::crying::  
  
Brutus: Why, Calpurnia! What's wrong?  
  
Calpurnia: YOU KILLED HIM! THE ONLY ONE I HAD LEFT! I MISS HIM!!!!!!  
  
::Freaks out and ends up killing herself::  
  
Brutus: Whoa, that's not something you see everyday..two people one day..same family..Well, folks, that's our show for today! Come back next week for our special Romeo and Juliet episode!  
  
::Exits as crowds boo: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ A/N- Crazy no? R/R! 


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